Merry Christmas Izzy

Oh, my dearest Izzy !!!

It's Christmas Eve and in a few more minutes it will officially be Christmas :) I can't even begin to write about how happy I am that we are all here - at your house - together to celebrate the day.

This will be the first year that you have really had an idea of what Christmas is all about and you are beyond excited about it. And, as your Grandma, I feel like a kid again because of your excitement. I have enjoyed every single minute of the shopping and preparation that comes with making it a memorable day for you.

Your Mama has always been my greatest joy in life and now that you are here, that joy has somehow tripled with you. I don't know how that is possible, but, that's the way it has turned out.

Now that your Mama has shown me how to get in here and blog to you, you'll be hearing more from me. Perhaps I can leave a few words of wisdom that you can use in the years to come to make your life a little easier :)

Know that I love you more than words can describe and that your Mom and Dad are doing an exceptional job of raising you and showing you as much joy as possible. Ahhhh, life is so very, very good.

Gotta go now and watch It's a Wonderful Life which I have done for the last ... well ... more years than I will mention here :) Which reminds me, please always try to watch that movie every year at Christmas time and know that the world would just not be right if you weren't in it !!! You also need to be sure and watch Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase. You will see so many of your family in that movie ... sorry about that !!!!

Ho, Ho, Ho and Merry Christmas !!!!!! I'm sooooooooooo excited !!!!!!

Hugs and Kisses -

Gram

Super cut? Not so much.

Dear Izzy,

I'm sorry. I knew better. But I was beyond tired of your hair always getting in your eyes and I had to get it cut. Unfortunately, it was on a whim. Unfortunately I was being cheap. Unfortunately I took you to Supercuts. Your Grandma and I discussed it first, so I have no excuses. "Just make sure they don't give her a bowl haircut," she said. I tried, but apparently it's the only kid haircut they know (I didn't know that until you ended up with a long bowl haircut). I should have done it myself, but I'm afraid the results would have been similar.

But take solace in knowing that bad toddler haircuts are apparently a rite of passage. We all have that picture buried in a box somewhere. And I'm sorry, but here's yours:

Be responsibly irresponsible.

Dear Izzy,

So my recent letter regarding how your Dad and I met reminded me to write you about responsible irresponsibility.  I do believe this is one of the greatest lessons your Grandma taught me, and I really hope that I am able to do the same for you.

For example, drugs and alcohol are bad.  I’ve seen it destroy more lives than I care to admit.  I’ve known people to die from them, ruin their lives, fight addictions and completely check out.  At the same time, some of my most life-changing and eye-opening moments were due (in part) to either drugs or alcohol.  So on that account, they aren’t all bad.  The key is “responsible irresponsibility”.

The thing is, for the most part, using drugs or alcohol is pretty irresponsible.  They impair your judgment and often times lead you to do something you wouldn’t necessarily do sober.  It’s for that reason that you’ll want to use caution when under the influence.  Don’t EVER drink and drive.  Trust me on this.  You do not want to be responsible for ending someone’s life due to one drunken moment.  Nor do you want to lose your license or wreck your only mode of transportation.  In addition, it’s wise to never drink to the point of blackouts.  You will never get those moments back, you'll never know what really happened and nobody likes an incoherent drunk.

Where drugs are concerned, think it through.  I’m not going to ask you to never do drugs, I know better.  And honestly, I have no concern what you do or don’t do – as long as you think through your decisions.  If it’s your first time to try a drug (ANY drug) – make sure you do so in a safe and stable environment.  Make sure you have a friend there who can watch over you and help you in the event you have a bad reaction (it happens).  Make sure you start in very small doses and slowly work your way into it.

In my opinion, some things are better left alone.  Weigh out the pros and cons before trying anything.  When I was younger I wanted to experience everything.  After some consideration, I chose to stay away from heroin, crack and meth.  Second-hand experiences were enough to teach me that the good could never outweigh the bad.  Everything else I tried, experienced and checked off my list.  A couple of times I stood on the line of addiction, but had the foresight to check myself before the usage caused any (long-lasting) problems.  Some things I’ve had to put down never to pick up again because the temptation is just too much. 

Who knows what will be around when you get older.  Just know that this lesson goes beyond just drugs and alcohol.  It expands to anything that can ruin/change your life in a moments notice.  I love you more than you know (until you one day have a child of your own).  If you are armed with this knowledge and discipline I can rest knowing that you will always do your best to make wise decisions and never put yourself in harms way.  And I do believe that is the greatest gift you could ever give me.

Love,

Mom

How your dad and I met.

Dear Izzy,

I thought this might be a good time and place to tell you how your Dad and I met.  Like most things you will discover about your family, it was rather unconventional.  At the time we met I was living in Baytown.  Hopefully by the time you read this, your Grandma will be out of there (along with everyone else we know), but it’s where I grew up.  Baytown is a terrible place.  It’s home to many refineries and one of the ugliest places I’ve ever seen.  In my opinion, the people aren’t much better.  They are judgmental and small-minded.  It’s because of this that I tried online dating.

Your Dad and I belonged to the same dating site (Love @ AOL), but that isn’t exactly how we met.  Instead I happened upon his profile (a personal summary) while in a chat room.  At the end of his profile he had the following quote:  “I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pass over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain.”  He then went on to say that anyone who could name the author of the quote would win a prize.  I was already impressed by the intelligence of his profile, so I did what any smart girl does who doesn’t know the answer to something – I looked it up on the internet.  I then sent him an email with my answer.  Shortly after we began chatting in instant messages.  My prize for naming the author was a toaster which, to this day, I still have not received.

We talked online and on the phone for the next month or so.  I had never met anyone like your Dad before.  He was outspoken, articulate, opinionated, smart and did not care what anyone thought of him.  Where I lived, qualities like that were rare.  We set up a time to meet and I stood him up.  He gave me a lecture and we set up another time.  That time we did meet.

I was living in a small house next door to a friend of mine.  I let her know that I was about to meet a guy from the internet and to check on me 10 minutes after I arrived back home (in case he was a creep).    I then left to go meet your Dad.  We were meeting at a gas station along the interstate and when I showed up he had already arrived.  He stepped out of (what seemed to be) a 20-year-old Buick that was as big as a bus.  The first thing I noticed was a bumper sticker on his back windshield that said “Screw Your University”.  At the time (and most likely now), that summed up your Dad’s humor well.  As for your Dad, he was dressed in all black (an Adidas shirt that I believe he still wears) and black shorts that almost went to his ankles.  He had a chain hanging from his pocket.  It was definitely NOT a Baytown look and I remember thinking “What the hell am I doing?”  We said our “hello’s” and I asked him to follow me to my house*.

Once we got to my house we settled in.  He showed me some of his artwork he’d been working on (your Grandma often describes it as “very dark”).  He played me a cd of the band he was in (your Grandma often describes it as “very, very dark”).  My friend came by to check on me and we all spent a good part of the evening talking.  In the interest of full disclosure and honesty, we got high and we (my friend and I) tried cocaine for the first time **.  Eventually my friend went home and your Dad and I stayed up well into the night talking.  Seeing as he lived an hour away, I invited him to spend the night ***.  He did.  He lived with me for the next year and we were pretty much inseparable. 

It was a great time for us.  We built a bubble around us (we still refer to it as our “Fisher Hill bubble” – named for the street we lived on).  I learned how caring, responsible, smart and funny your Dad was (is).  Nobody had ever treated me as wonderfully as he did.  I came home to a clean house, candle-lit dinners and long evenings discussing books, music, politics and philosophy.  The following years became rough and trying, but that's not important here.  Because this, my dear Izzy, is the story of how we met and fell in love.

Love,

Mom

* It should be noted that this was probably one of the dumber risks I’ve ever taken.  It’s wise to never invite a complete stranger to your house as a single woman.  But I had a feeling and I went with it, and that’s all I really have to offer as an explanation for my stupidity.

** Drugs are bad.  Unless they are done in a responsible manner in a responsible setting.  Taking drugs from someone you hardly know is not responsible.  However, I did so in a slow and calculated way that could perhaps be deemed as “responsible irresponsibility”.

*** Spending the night with a guy you just met is also not the smartest way to run things.  Once again, my only defense is that I “had a feeling”.  Some might consider this behavior (as well as your Dad moving in the day we met) as “trashy”.  To that I say, “screw them”.  I had a feeling and went with it.

mushy crap

Izzy,

I'm so happy your parents made this blog for you. I think it's such a great idea and am very happy they decided to let us join in. Your parents are pretty awesome people. I don't know what age you'll be when you read this and at some points you've probably had your doubts as to the coolness of your parents. (We all feel that way about our parents no matter how much we love them) ... but possibly not, your parents are that groovy. :)

I could start rambling all sorts of advice that I think will benefit you but I'll ease into that. All I really want to tell you today is how much I adore you. At the time of this writing you're 3. You're funny, smart and a beautiful girl. One thing that strikes me about you is how much joy you bring. I know whenever I'm going to see you that any problems I have, can and will wait. I know you're going to make me smile, laugh and feel full of love. I'm so appreciative to you for that. You remind me when I need reminding how important it is to have a heart full of love and to experience the joy of life. I love you so very much, Iz. (Keep that in mind when I start spouting advice)

Jessica

"be real, not right"

Dear Iz,

So I have my first real lesson for you.  It all began with an article a friend sent me about "speaking your truth".  I'm going to paste a part of the article at the end of this letter, because I'm not so sure CNN, or Oprah.com which is where the article was pulled, will still be available in 20 years when you need this.  But for now, let me share my experience.

Your cousin Chelsea and I got into an argument yesterday.  (You should thank her when you get older because she has done a fabulous job of training me for motherhood - probably most unfortunate for her.)  Chelsea expressed her desire to buy a house at the ripe, young age of 22.  She is in the middle of college and just married a few months ago.  I felt like it might not be the wisest decision and went on to point out the reasons why.  Chelsea (like all the other women in your family) is strong, smart and outspoken.  At one point in the discussion she made the comment "well now that I know you feel strongly that I shouldn't do it, it just makes me want to go out and buy a house now."  Her comment came on the heels of me reading this article and I was able to immediately see the article's point.  Chelsea was trying to speak her truth (that she is smart and responsible), but in the process she was willing to make a possible mistake just in the desire to "be right".

I don't blame Chelsea.  In fact (and I don't mean to be condescending when I point this out), this type of thought process is par for your teens and twenties.  You so desperately want to be right and prove everyone else wrong, you often ignore the obvious truth in front of you.  Sometimes it all works out for the best, you learn a lesson and you are smarter and wiser for it.  Sometimes you end up pregnant by your abusive, jerk of a boyfriend.  Don't be that girl, Iz.

I hope to always have the patience to support your desire for freedom.  I want you to make your own choices, make your own mistakes and learn from your own experiences.  I want you to take calculated risks.  It's the surest way to be a strong and smart woman.  Just make sure the risks are worth the rewards.  Please think it out thoroughly.  Please make sure they aren't life-altering risks.  And please (oh please) don't get knocked up by some abusive, jerk of a boyfriend.

Love,
Mom

Speak Your Truth

3 ways to speak your truth:

How do we enhance and deepen our capacity to speak our truth with kindness, love and authenticity? There are lots of things we can do to accomplish this. Here are three to think about:

• Stop managing other people's feelings. I know this one well, as I can be the king of trying to manage other people's feelings. It's arrogant, manipulative and somewhat ridiculous to think we have the power to manage other people's emotions.

We also use it as a cop-out to not really speak our truth. We can be aware and mindful of other people and how they might feel (so we don't end up being mean and hurtful on purpose), but when we let go of taking care of others in a condescending way, it frees us and them up to be grown-ups and have adult conversations, which sometimes can get a little sticky or tense when we're speaking our truth.

• Be real, not right. This is huge when it comes to speaking our truth. When we focus on winning or being right, we no longer can access the deepest places within our heart, which is where our real truth comes from.

When we let go of our attachment to the outcome of a conversation, what the other person thinks and our erroneous obsession with always having to be right, we give ourselves the opportunity to get real.

Being vulnerable and transparent are the key elements of speaking our truth, not dominating the conversation and the person (or people) we're talking to.

• Practice. Like anything and everything else in life, the best way for us to get better, deepen our capacity and grow is to practice. In this case, as we're talking about speaking our truth, it's not about role-playing per se (although if that helps give you the courage to have a difficult conversation, go for it). It is about speaking up and stepping into your life with your truth.

Will you mess it up? Of course! Will you say the wrong things sometimes? Yes. Will people get upset, offended or defensive at times? Absolutely. This is not about being perfect, it is about being yourself and speaking authentically.

because a webpage is the new paper

Dear Iz,

So your Dad and I came up with this idea for a number of reasons.  The first is that I've been absolutely terrible at keeping up with the journals I've started for you.  I've lost a couple, started a couple more and honestly, I'm just terrible at it.  I prefer "blogging" over writing any day (I'm a faster typer).  Second, I thought there would be a better chance of Blogspot being here in 20 years than any of these journals I've started.  I'm regularly worrying about the house burning down (I inherited that from your Grandma and Great-Great Grandma), and if that happens all of my writings will go up in smoke.  Not so with the internet.  The last reason we started this blog was in hopes of getting on Oprah.  She only has one season left so we had to hustle.  A blog to our daughter was the best idea we have come up with thus far.  I'll keep you updated if we make it on the show (let's not hold our breaths).

It is our hope that this becomes a source of wisdom, humor, love and guidance.  A place to share things as we think of them, instead of hoping to remember them in the years to come (forgetfullness also runs on both sides of the family).  But for now, the first thing I'd like to share is that we both love you.  More than I think either of us thought we could.  And most importantly, you are funny.  Hilarious in fact.  Like drawing-silly-pictures-on-a-chalkboard-while-naked funny.  Thank you for that.

Love,
Mom

From Daddy

hey izz

right now you are in gramma's bed, snoring, and dreaming of a princess knight.  i am being subject to the atrocity that is "V".  im sure it will reach a cult-like status by the time you are our age and will, no doubt, be searching for a copy for yourself.  well, its pretty awful so i hope you like campy sci-fi tv.

so you've started drawing real shapes and characters for the first time today.  you drew yourself (a big smiley face), a smiley sun, and birds (that kinda looked like crosses).  i was pretty proud to have an artistic 3 year old.

anyhow...being this is the very first entry on your blog time capsule, i think the most appropriate message for me to leave for you is that your mom and i love you very much.