How your dad and I met.

Dear Izzy,

I thought this might be a good time and place to tell you how your Dad and I met.  Like most things you will discover about your family, it was rather unconventional.  At the time we met I was living in Baytown.  Hopefully by the time you read this, your Grandma will be out of there (along with everyone else we know), but it’s where I grew up.  Baytown is a terrible place.  It’s home to many refineries and one of the ugliest places I’ve ever seen.  In my opinion, the people aren’t much better.  They are judgmental and small-minded.  It’s because of this that I tried online dating.

Your Dad and I belonged to the same dating site (Love @ AOL), but that isn’t exactly how we met.  Instead I happened upon his profile (a personal summary) while in a chat room.  At the end of his profile he had the following quote:  “I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pass over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain.”  He then went on to say that anyone who could name the author of the quote would win a prize.  I was already impressed by the intelligence of his profile, so I did what any smart girl does who doesn’t know the answer to something – I looked it up on the internet.  I then sent him an email with my answer.  Shortly after we began chatting in instant messages.  My prize for naming the author was a toaster which, to this day, I still have not received.

We talked online and on the phone for the next month or so.  I had never met anyone like your Dad before.  He was outspoken, articulate, opinionated, smart and did not care what anyone thought of him.  Where I lived, qualities like that were rare.  We set up a time to meet and I stood him up.  He gave me a lecture and we set up another time.  That time we did meet.

I was living in a small house next door to a friend of mine.  I let her know that I was about to meet a guy from the internet and to check on me 10 minutes after I arrived back home (in case he was a creep).    I then left to go meet your Dad.  We were meeting at a gas station along the interstate and when I showed up he had already arrived.  He stepped out of (what seemed to be) a 20-year-old Buick that was as big as a bus.  The first thing I noticed was a bumper sticker on his back windshield that said “Screw Your University”.  At the time (and most likely now), that summed up your Dad’s humor well.  As for your Dad, he was dressed in all black (an Adidas shirt that I believe he still wears) and black shorts that almost went to his ankles.  He had a chain hanging from his pocket.  It was definitely NOT a Baytown look and I remember thinking “What the hell am I doing?”  We said our “hello’s” and I asked him to follow me to my house*.

Once we got to my house we settled in.  He showed me some of his artwork he’d been working on (your Grandma often describes it as “very dark”).  He played me a cd of the band he was in (your Grandma often describes it as “very, very dark”).  My friend came by to check on me and we all spent a good part of the evening talking.  In the interest of full disclosure and honesty, we got high and we (my friend and I) tried cocaine for the first time **.  Eventually my friend went home and your Dad and I stayed up well into the night talking.  Seeing as he lived an hour away, I invited him to spend the night ***.  He did.  He lived with me for the next year and we were pretty much inseparable. 

It was a great time for us.  We built a bubble around us (we still refer to it as our “Fisher Hill bubble” – named for the street we lived on).  I learned how caring, responsible, smart and funny your Dad was (is).  Nobody had ever treated me as wonderfully as he did.  I came home to a clean house, candle-lit dinners and long evenings discussing books, music, politics and philosophy.  The following years became rough and trying, but that's not important here.  Because this, my dear Izzy, is the story of how we met and fell in love.

Love,

Mom

* It should be noted that this was probably one of the dumber risks I’ve ever taken.  It’s wise to never invite a complete stranger to your house as a single woman.  But I had a feeling and I went with it, and that’s all I really have to offer as an explanation for my stupidity.

** Drugs are bad.  Unless they are done in a responsible manner in a responsible setting.  Taking drugs from someone you hardly know is not responsible.  However, I did so in a slow and calculated way that could perhaps be deemed as “responsible irresponsibility”.

*** Spending the night with a guy you just met is also not the smartest way to run things.  Once again, my only defense is that I “had a feeling”.  Some might consider this behavior (as well as your Dad moving in the day we met) as “trashy”.  To that I say, “screw them”.  I had a feeling and went with it.