So I have my first real lesson for you. It all began with an article a friend sent me about "speaking your truth". I'm going to paste a part of the article at the end of this letter, because I'm not so sure CNN, or Oprah.com which is where the article was pulled, will still be available in 20 years when you need this. But for now, let me share my experience.
Your cousin Chelsea and I got into an argument yesterday. (You should thank her when you get older because she has done a fabulous job of training me for motherhood - probably most unfortunate for her.) Chelsea expressed her desire to buy a house at the ripe, young age of 22. She is in the middle of college and just married a few months ago. I felt like it might not be the wisest decision and went on to point out the reasons why. Chelsea (like all the other women in your family) is strong, smart and outspoken. At one point in the discussion she made the comment "well now that I know you feel strongly that I shouldn't do it, it just makes me want to go out and buy a house now." Her comment came on the heels of me reading this article and I was able to immediately see the article's point. Chelsea was trying to speak her truth (that she is smart and responsible), but in the process she was willing to make a possible mistake just in the desire to "be right".
I don't blame Chelsea. In fact (and I don't mean to be condescending when I point this out), this type of thought process is par for your teens and twenties. You so desperately want to be right and prove everyone else wrong, you often ignore the obvious truth in front of you. Sometimes it all works out for the best, you learn a lesson and you are smarter and wiser for it. Sometimes you end up pregnant by your abusive, jerk of a boyfriend. Don't be that girl, Iz.
I hope to always have the patience to support your desire for freedom. I want you to make your own choices, make your own mistakes and learn from your own experiences. I want you to take calculated risks. It's the surest way to be a strong and smart woman. Just make sure the risks are worth the rewards. Please think it out thoroughly. Please make sure they aren't life-altering risks. And please (oh please) don't get knocked up by some abusive, jerk of a boyfriend.
Love,
Mom
Speak Your Truth
3 ways to speak your truth:
How do we enhance and deepen our capacity to speak our truth with kindness, love and authenticity? There are lots of things we can do to accomplish this. Here are three to think about:
• Stop managing other people's feelings. I know this one well, as I can be the king of trying to manage other people's feelings. It's arrogant, manipulative and somewhat ridiculous to think we have the power to manage other people's emotions.
We also use it as a cop-out to not really speak our truth. We can be aware and mindful of other people and how they might feel (so we don't end up being mean and hurtful on purpose), but when we let go of taking care of others in a condescending way, it frees us and them up to be grown-ups and have adult conversations, which sometimes can get a little sticky or tense when we're speaking our truth.
• Be real, not right. This is huge when it comes to speaking our truth. When we focus on winning or being right, we no longer can access the deepest places within our heart, which is where our real truth comes from.
When we let go of our attachment to the outcome of a conversation, what the other person thinks and our erroneous obsession with always having to be right, we give ourselves the opportunity to get real.
Being vulnerable and transparent are the key elements of speaking our truth, not dominating the conversation and the person (or people) we're talking to.
• Practice. Like anything and everything else in life, the best way for us to get better, deepen our capacity and grow is to practice. In this case, as we're talking about speaking our truth, it's not about role-playing per se (although if that helps give you the courage to have a difficult conversation, go for it). It is about speaking up and stepping into your life with your truth.
Will you mess it up? Of course! Will you say the wrong things sometimes? Yes. Will people get upset, offended or defensive at times? Absolutely. This is not about being perfect, it is about being yourself and speaking authentically.
No comments:
Post a Comment